The eN-Zed Government has finally drawn a line in the sand—and it’s right at the sliding doors of your local Four Square. From now on, those caught nicking goods off the shelves can expect to be slapped with an instant fine, up to $1,000 depending on the value of their light-fingered ambitions.
Retail theft, the government says, is more than just a nuisance—it’s a “scourge” that undermines public confidence in the justice system. And fair enough. When people can steal with what looks like impunity, it chips away at our collective sense of fairness, not to mention the already razor-thin margins many small businesses are surviving on. According to Retail NZ, theft cost retailers a staggering $1.3 billion in 2023. That’s not just the odd dress—though we’ve seen how even those can tempt a politician and her accomplice (allegedly).
Yes, we all remember that ex-Green MP who helped herself to a bit of frocking controversy and somehow thought it wouldn’t be noticed. Perhaps she was just ahead of the policy curve?
Under the new regime, if you’re caught stealing goods worth up to $500, you can be fined up to $500 on the spot. For thefts above that amount, the penalty doubles to a cool $1,000. Some have raised eyebrows at the idea of fining people who probably can’t (or won’t) pay. But a wee birdy tells me the government has a cheeky Plan B: work it off. That’s right—if you can’t pay, you might find yourself sweeping the carpark, scrubbing windows, or restocking the very shelves you tried to nick from. All at minimum wage, of course. Call it community service. Or even work experience.
And if you don’t fancy that, it’s simple. Don’t steal.
Critics will say this policy lacks compassion. Others will argue it’s common sense finally catching up with reality. After all, when petty crime becomes the norm, we all lose: businesses raise prices, communities lose trust, and law-abiding citizens start feeling like mugs.
This policy is not a silver bullet, but it’s a start. It says: we value fairness. We respect hard work. And we don’t think you should be able to walk out with a basket of groceries while the rest of us pay.
Shoplifting costs eN-Zed retailers millions per day – but they pass that on to eN-Zed consumers. And then we whine about the rising cost of living. Let’s whine about the theives who walk among us.
So here’s a message to would-be shoplifters: if you don’t want to pay up or sweep up, don’t help yourself to stuff that’s not yours. Simple as that.
eN-Zed 